Dear Someone Who Has That Smiling Smile

We meet by the second week of the class I mean we see other since there’s no formal introduction between the two of us. I don’t know what’s with me that I can’t take my eyes off you there’s something I know yet I’m still trying to figure out what would it be, until I realize it was your smile, damn that smile. With all the smiles I’ve seen in my whole life yours is something that makes me also wanna smile, I mean your smile is contagious without apparent reason why would I be smiling too, I just simply want to smile because you smile. 

Whenever I think of you (but not frequently) I always see your face smiling, just how I see it when you raise the corners of your mouth with your lips like cotton candy making a bulge appear on your cheeks so cuddly like they are marshmallows with your almond eyes as if they are dancing of gladness. Oh how I love to squeeze it!

But these past few days I haven’t seen you smiling for a while. I don’t know what your problem is but I hope you can resolve it so soon that I’ll see you smiling back again. Your smile is smiling unlike any other smile I’ve seen smiling.

Dear Blog;

It’s very disturbing how people laugh at someone who’s not, let’s say, poor in English both oral and written. Anywhere in the world we are all aware that English is the international language that could help us to communicate in a foreign country. Americans do speak it so well and some part of Europe and Australia with dissimilar accent, the rest speaks in their own language or in different dialect too. Philippines is known to have a skillful tongue for speaking English which somehow made us having the courage to work abroad, also some of the US base company prefer to hire workers from here like in BPO and online English teacher as well in neighboring countries like Japan, China, and Korea. I’m a pure blooded Filipino and being a Filipino is tough if you’re the same like ours. Here, people tend to subject a person as COOL if he speaks English but if you are one of those who tries to speak it on the top most of your capability and if people finds it wrong they would LAUGH AT YOU TO DEATH! But why!? We are just Filipino and I guess we have the right to have mistakes anything that has something to do with English. Me myself I admit I’m not good with it I don’t have that so called Traditional English Tongue but I’m trying to learn by reading literatures and watching English dubbed movies without a subtitle LOL!

Since pre-school we are already taught English all the way to College. Imagine it’s almost two decades of learning English from school. Fortunately, some of us adopt it quickly they sometimes overemphasize it by combining a dialect with English, like Tagalog and English which gave birth to what  they call TAGLISH. What I just don’t like about their BRILLIANT idea is that the speaker seems to have an UNKNOWN MENTAL ILLNESS. Epileptic-psychotic-schizophrenia something??

When a foreigner like American or Russian or European (but we commonly thought them as American whatever their race was as long as their skin is as white as dust in Venus) came across with an ordinary Filipino and started to ask questions, that one Filipino would regularly smile knowing that he know nothing what that foreigner knows or sometimes we would ask for help of the other people around. But the great thing was we are sociable not just towards our fellow country men but also on our visitors from different countries, and take note, that is with a smile.

As what I’ve observed Filipino seems to believe that if you are a college student or a college graduate or studying in a prestigious school or working in a establishment where speaking English is a must or simply you-are-a-son-of-a-rich then you are labeled as “English Proficient.” Most people that I’ve encounter having problem in English are those who really recognize English but in different ways. There are some who understands it from the speaker but don’t know how to respond, it makes their tongue tangled and minds go running wild thinking of what to say but ended up speaking like a cave man. There are also some that are so proud that they can write it like a boss but not that they can speak it and the other way around. And some that can write but misspelled a few words and a wrong grammar structure like they are sending an urgent letter to Pentagon for being chased by a living dead that has been affected by the Chernobyl incident then die and turned into zombie, a four-legged-winged-hell-bound-zombie. And the last one are those who speaks English like “the hell I don’t care” whether they are doing it right or mostly wrong, uprising a revolution to form a new language, even easier but mostly laughter. Well, what do you expect? Like what I’ve said we are just Filipino the same with the other country where English is not so familiar. It’s definitely very important to understand English but it has nothing to do with fools who think they are greater than the Gods and Goddesses of Ancient Greek Mythology.

ENGLISH, the language of the world, the laughter mechanism for others, but a tool to discriminate which in turn making them lesser than anyone else.

Dear Someone Who Made Me Realize There’s Something In Life That Doesn’t Need Any Mathematical Calculation, Scientific Explanation, And Biblical Definition;

I know what happened between us was great, it was wonderful, it was awesome than the massive-multi-online-role-playing-game I’m currently playing at the moment. You’ve open up a new journey in my life by abducting me and brought me to a place where I said to you “make me your captive for infinity and beyond” but unfortunately you didn’t dafuq you just did LOL! Seriously, you’ve been my haven popped out from the cloud above my head, you were my hero, you defeated the monster not beneath my bed but within my self and tamed me like a gaddam kitty whatever crap it is, you were my soul mate I suppose ‘coz I think there’s nothing wrong with that since no one ever knew what we did those times when we’re together on a cold-freezing-night and on a hot-burning-day. We both made absences but like in school we eagerly tried to be in attendance when exam week is fast approaching, the love we had made is like a test whether we pass or fail we still hope to overcome our mistakes by doing a good performance better than before. I was suppose to start writing the depressing part of this letter but allow me to paint a colorful world of figurative story in your head just to be fair with your out bursting feeling now that you know I’m still reminiscing our past and now that you know how I used to love you so much a litol than my personal computer. So I was like a tadpole in the sewage system of love spending so many years and never grow up until you fetch me one day, put me in an aquarium, and fed me with your love, you helped me grow in love just believe me, you watched me and poked me to make me move, I was immovable but you made me moving. END.

So it began when the system was crashing, I know how to program you know what you want, I know what to do you don’t say anything leaving an empty corner in the cerebrum of my brain, I gently loose the knot ready to let you go but you still keep on pulling. Little did I know when not all love is a game and not all game is a love. We went on different stage until we reach the boss but you never told me one day you’ll let yourself fall into the lava and got killed letting me fought that fat-ass Godzilla saving the princess with that cute-lil-picture-of-hallucinatory-mushroom alone. Your revelation was terrifying than of St. Michael but you give me a condition of momentary happiness to be with you, but happiness is not what I felt, I feel like World Trade Center 9/11 incident isn’t just bombarded by these out-of-hell aircrafts but in some point someone must have made the other detail classified. You know that feeling? Of being misinformed while every nerve in my body thought that they could still hang-out together with yours but for some reason there’s something hidden in your mind and when you finally spoke for it with your lips stained with lies I was totally stunned finding out that all of this is just like a meteorite showing a spectacular-dashing-light in the night sky but in a moment it’ll just disappear, I was amazed, I was in panic, I was in pain, I was taught by you, I was totally in love, but I finally moved on. CLOSER TO END.

I know what happened between us was great, it was wonderful, it was awesome than this letter I’m currently writting at the moment. SUPER END.

Dear Blog;

Guess what? Today is my OH MY BIRTHDAY! So, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to me! Finally I just turned 23 and I’m so much thankful I’ve reached this far in my life which means I’ll have another new year ahead to enjoy it and explore more about it. Life is so wonderful if you try not to be a fool although sometimes it’s good to troll people and as well as yourself. I’m so excited what will be this new journey has to offer but if I were to decide what will it be I would want to have more friends and of course more quality time with my love ones. I know what I’m asking for is too simple and so practical but I can’t ask for something which is so hard to be true, in my status right now? I’ll think about it next time.

Well, if you’d ask what I have for dinner I’m so sorry but there’s not any because payday is on the next day I’m not even sure if I’m gonna have a post celebration as what my friends keep on asking seeing as I’ll be off to Surigao del Sur by early in the morning tomorrow and I’ll be there to monitor things for a week or two. But this not like a grand celebration as if how I worry about it, it’s more likely of a primitive one, but don’t get me wrong if eating your meal on the banana leaf with your bear hands I call it primitive. Just seeing people smiling and feels no shame while dealing with it is more than enough for me to be special. Oh! Don’t forget the ever immortal “pancit” as it was believed to give long life, personally I don’t like pancit with my meal I’d prefer to eat it as a sandwich specially when it comes with a smoking-hot-freshly-baked-bread hmmmm! DELICIOUSO!

By now, I’m at home, taking a little time to write this post ‘coz after this I’ll have to organize and calculate all of the employee’s debit for this week, I’ll have to wash my clothes to prepare for my trip tomorrow, I’ll have to clean up my room, and I’ll be back to my mama’s work place for another set of debts which has to be included and should done by this evening. So maybe birthday party is over since I’m not kid at all, and I’m getting used to it since the last time when I turned 21, a men’s debut, and that was amazing ‘coz I received 21 kinds of different gifts, amazing isn’t it?

My wish for my birthday? Do I really have to do it? I guess I should ‘coz my wishes on my previous birthdays do all come true, to have a good health and world peace. But let me share this crazy wish I had when I turned 22, I wished, ok I begged that for my entire life I’m gonna found my first love, and the fairy-whatever said “SO BE IT!” waking up one day totally unaware what’s happening in my life then that was it. How I miss those days when we’re still together, when I know I’m smart enough but then it made me completely dumb, when my heart said “yes” and my head agreed, when… stop it you! LOL!

So my wish for my birthday is that my sister Apol which I usually call “tobol” will achieve all her dreams in life, to keep her safe and guided, to strengthen her faith, and to make her brave looking forward to have a good life while she’s at the far side of the world for the living. And for my family and friends, don’t worry I’ll always pray for you guys.

That’s it! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! And I hope I’d reach 24. LOL!

PS: I’m not sick, I just want to explore more out of the mysteries of life and I want to live more to hopefully figure them out, like what Terrence McKenny said “because the only understanding that will be useful to you is your own understanding” I know we all depart in this world but at least we live life joyfully.

Dear Blog;

While sitting on my rocking chair at the balcony with a cup of coffee in my hand ever astonish by the spectacular view of the hiding Mr. Sun behind Mt. Apo I can hear the annoying yet joyful voices of the kids playing on the street. From where I am I had the view of our little street from end to end, there the kids are playing, running, shouting so much noise surely an old man would go out and nag at them, but there’s not. I’d love to do so for interrupting my mutual link between  nature but when I realized I was like that when I used to be a kid I’ve no choice but to seat back and savor my coffee instead.

Looking back in my childhood where the world seems to be so huge you can’t measure it with your fingers, where you wake up each morning expecting nothing but fun, where you feel so safe from the monsters lurking in this world, where you have the freedom to speak what lies behind your tongue, and where being honest is effortless. Childhood is like the glimpse of eternal happiness, so pure, so clean.

Together with my older sisters and a circle of friends we would spend the whole day playing, playing, and playing. Rain or shine as long as we’re having fun but little did I know in such simple ways between playing and quarrels we’re also learning—we develop by ourselves a part of our personality.

But look at the kids nowadays; there are only a few who would play on the street ignorant of all the things this world ever has, while most of them are in internet shops gluing their butts on the chair building callus on their hands uttering words totally unpleasant to hear like it’s a needle directly pierced in your eardrums like you wanna super kick their mouths ‘til they puke blood and teeth fall off, but no, that isn’t absolutely the right to do. Meanwhile, when those kids are enjoying the limited childhood life and the other are building evil within their selves there are this unfortunate kids who struggle for life in a very young age, thankful enough to have their imaginary bed at the sidewalk, lucky enough to have a meal three times a day, these are the kids of direct assault from the evil monsters of this world.

Who would I blame? Their parents or those people who are unfair and don’t give a damn for the welfare of humanity? The community or the monsters that has the brain of a genius but without a heart of the nature? They say change is the only permanent thing in this world, but if change will bring sorrow and violence, despair and agony, is there anyway to stop it? If it is true that living in this world is by the concept of “survival of the fittest” should we left people behind close to hell? With all these questions my answer would be a BIG “I DON’T KNOW” if only I have power to heal every person I would have done it a long time ago, yes I know I don’t need to have any crap of whatever power it is to stretch out a helping hands. But I promise someday when fate agrees with me I will change the world for the good of everyone, I know it would be so little but big things starts from their. Until then I just hope I’ll wake up one day hearing only good news, which I think so impossible.